ahhh!!! the internet here is so slow... i cant stream any videos... and so im pretty much bored to death.

but then again im in a practice room for hours a day, and im thinking of playing trombone in sympho which will add more hours to my practice schedule, on top of clarinet in windensemble... AHHH!!  so since im 'such a great tuba player.....' with 'great potiential...'  i have to learn a really hard solo in a few weeks and perform it in front of EVERYONE with accompianment on tuesday.  yeah, and what are the other freshman tuba players doing?  NOTHIN! they arent good enough to perform yet, and their solos are really easy. 

so yeah, thanks to all you people who still talk to me.  no one.  im bored out of my mind, practice like crazy, and am isolated from everyone i love.  college is amazing.

im just glad that my money is only going toward education, cause thats all im getting out of college.  yeah, mr heaney, you lied when you said college would be the best years of my life.  high school was amazing compared to this.  i just wish i would have auditioned for a music scholarship, cause with my theory knowledge and my skills, i could have a full ride to this dump.

and yet its not bad enough to worry about transfer.  where in the world would i go?  i cant go to NYU cause then im interrupting franks life, and i realize now that i wasnt as big a part of it has i had hoped  (or maybe that just BPD speaking... i can only hope... except for the fact that ive messaged him a few times, and imed once or twice lately, and dont get much response back.  i know hes busy, but not THAT busy that he cant even jot a quick sentence.  hes clever enough to come up with one sentence, or even sentence fragment, that would make me feel loved and that would only take him 30seconds to type)  and i dont know of any other colleges that are good with music ed.  sopposedly campbellsville is.  the poepl just arent smart, and they arent quick, and im annoyed with having to wait around for people to catch up to me.  they all underestimate me too.  people are telling me that ill NEVER make it on clarinet in wind ensemble.  YOU DONT KNOW ME! so shut up. 

people here think they're smart.  they think they're good.  they think they''re talented.  i listened to a flute recital today by a senior that would barely give amanda bocutti a run for her money.  just barely above... hmmm... kelly irwin?  yeah.  and shes a senior!

AND THEYRE ALL FAT!

(sorry, just had to get that out)

at least the extra time here give me a chance to get my body in better shape.  im down to 55.8 kg.  which is a little higher than what i would like, but ive lost inches.  and its all about the inches.  cause ive gained a lot of muscle.   im at a size 3/5 now which i absolutely love.

welcome to my life.  im sure ive offended just about everyone who is reading this.  but thats what you get for torturing me here.  its your fault, so go away.  please go swallow a knife.

Technology Project

i just did the stangest thing ever.  for the past hour and a half ive been playing solitare.  and i was doing REAL good.

so good that i couldnt exit out.  cause i knew that if i closed that window, my high score of $1704 would be gone forever with no evidence that i was ever there.  and who in their right mind would then the game when you're doing so well!

i couldnt close it.  i just kept playing and playing.  my score was going up and down, and i was winning and loosing. 

and then all of a sudden i took my mind off of the game for one second, got frustrated with a hand and just Xed out.  !!!! i couldnt believe it.  i lose focus for one second and its all gone.  all ive ever worked towards in the past 3 weeks.  gone with one click of the mouse.  i dont even know what the score was when i left.  i think it was $14something though.

whoah boy.  that was exciting.  my heart is racing!! lol

ive got a secret!